Cowboys, noses, smiley faces, a kiss and a baby

Putting up photos is all I can do right now. I attended my first company x-mas party last night. I guess that explains it, doesn't it! Unfortunately I missed all the fun stuff because to the surprise of our partying bosses most of the "youngsters" went home pretty early. Still, I knew I'd have to be fit for the early morning babysitting session with Karlito. I'm soooo responsible. It's scary...


Jean Reno versus Nick the Nose. All we did that night was talk about sex. Funny how that happens eventually. Well, Oi loike it!










Two pictures made on the same day or night, respectively. In the morning I said g'bye to Mark the Spark because he was already fed up with me and Berlin after 3(!) days and so I subjected him to a photo session before going to work. I guess you can see that I was pretty tired. BUT I did look better later that day. I got a make-over by Henriette and then the beautiful lady with the pursed lips accompanied me to a ball. Very interesting experience. I think the lot of us dropped the average age to something like 45 to 50. At around 2 it started to get pretty wild though. We enjoyed it.

And last but not least, I'll indulge a little in my auntiehood. Cute, hey!

For all you German speakers

Klick on tier.tv, watch our clips and read the blog! Not that it's anything special, it's just an idea of what I'm doing. Also, the blog keeps you up to date with the latest curious pet news. You wanna know whoi Oi know that? You wanna know whoi? Because I'm a bitch and I write the bloody thing.

Look, Oi don't agree but Oi think it's noice, and yes also different, aaaand unuuuuusual!

Welcome to Germyland!

I'm going to be witnessing one of my best friend's wedding in a couple of weeks. Even her mother will make her way over here to Berlin from Melbourne honouring the occasion with her presence. A big deal for Jess!
Congrats honey! I hope I won't disappoint you in my first apparition as a bridesmaid...
This is going to be a full-on party weekend. Good thing it's x-mas then. Two weeks off!!!

New experiences that I need to share with someone

Okay, so for the first time ever in my life I stood in front of a supermarket at ten to 8 this morning, waiting for it to open and let me buy stuff for work. The funny thing is I was even the first one to be served at the cash point. I couldn't believe it! The only times I can remember ever having been so early anywhere to buy something were hungry and drunken attempts at filling the empty hole inside of me, which alcohol and cigarettes leave behind after a big night out.
And THEN - this not being enough pioneership and bravery in the face of an early morning - I was the very first one to be at the office. For a whole 15 minutes my footsteps were the only thing that filled the pre-work air with still-alcohol-ladden shuffling sounds.

Back to work...

Thanx!

Someone just told me about a videostore desk bitch with a serious pole up her arse. I almost fell off my IKEA chair!
And tomorrow I'll witness the realisation of a tv format, which I conceptualised. I'll try and keep my tears from crying a river towards timberland... oooh! uuh! eeeh!

Sheep plus murder = Glennkill

Latest news from the editorial office at Tier.TV:

Sheep are different. Still, they can solve murder among (wo)men . If you don't believe me, read this:

Or watch our (my!!!) programme in December (you might have to search for it, because we'll be aired on a few different channels from December on. March 2007 - or so it is hoped - is final take-off for our own channel!) Fun stuff.

And now: Speaker's Corner.

I had to spend hours in the cold yesterday, stopping people on their way to whereever they were going to try and convince them to give a statement about animal protection in front of a camera. Instantly I can think of 4572365 nicer things to pass working time with. People can be nasty...

R.I.P. - she died with studentenfutter in her hand

See, I'd rather die with a falafel in my hand but it seems that it'll be a bag of mixed nuts and fruit (which they call student's chow here in Germyland). See also: I'm not even a bloody student anymore and I still have to eat that stuff, otherwise I might die due to a lack of nutrition (which is called malnutrition in a lot of countries).

The bottom line of these highly philosophical statements is: I'M HUNGRY! And I still need to sit here for another hour with nothing to do because nobody seems to bother to share their recently upgraded knowledge with me. Thing is, I'm not only hungry but also BORED to death, which is why there's a good chance for me to die with my head stuck to my keyboard and a bag of nuts in my hand. I'd rather hold someone's hand or so but there's no-one sharing my office with me and so nobody will even notice if I die apart from the cleaning lady who comes here early in the morning every day of the week but then it'd be too late for resuscitation... I know, you know! I keep myself up to date by reading crime fiction.

And now: I'M SCARED! How can people die with falafels in their hand? Is that only an Oz phenomenon? Is it contagious? Would I look like this guy in the picture, even if it is a bag of nuts in my hand?

If you don't hear from me any time soon, call the cleaning lady! Or watch the film!

Ola olé!

Apart from a severe lack of sleep I'm doing much better than last time, if anyone is interested. I mean yesterday and the day before I was doing even better because my supervisor gave me some real positive feedback on Friday on stuff that I don't have a clue about. Everyone was really proud of me, even myself. Today I had to find out though that she's basically being a nice boss to me because I'm only a trainee. Means: I don't know much, I can't do much, but she thinks I learn fast. Which I do! I think...

Did you know that organic products are sooooo much better for you? Well, I did but now I DO. Not that I'm earning any money apart from the necessary but I'm starting to feel weird about buying supermarket food. I might actually become a better person doing this job. Crazy!

And now some insiders for my regular audience: Did you know that Berlin actually DOES drown in dogshit? Well, I knew but now I KNOW: dogs all over the city leave about 55 TONS of dogshit behind DAILY!!!

What about a forum discussion on that one... then again: who cares? I don't live in Friedrichshain, the kingdom of the dogshitters. No offense!

Not thief-proof

I reckon this is not my month, not in many ways anyway. Not like last month or next month. October is officially my favourite hate-month. Bad luck whereever I go. First that thing with my big toe (believe me! All you need to know is that it hurt like hell... because then you can give me some sympathy!!!), then biological circumstances that I don't need to go into either. And THEN I lose money that does not even belong to me. Well, I guess I should look on the bright side: I made someone REALLY happy. Could also have been worse. I mean, someone could have stepped on my toe or something...

The good news is: I can pay back the lost money with money that doesn't belong to me either. See how long it takes for the office to demand their money back... or how long it takes for my bank account to die of malnutrition... or how long it takes for some Star Trekkies from the future to come and rescue us from those worldly necessities like the dependency on paper slips with numbers and copper engraved heads of weird and infamously famous people...

Manipulating the mind, take one

Just so you don't think (you think?) I'm only ever going to be a proud auntie from now on...

While I'm being a proud auntie I'm manipulating my faithful readers with some clever product placement. The only downside is: most of my faithful readers were part of the production of the cleverly placed product... can't have everything, hey! But maybe I can cleverly suggest to them that buying even more copies of the masterpiece GLEISDREIECK for themselves is equivalent to instant karma and frowning babies? You think? (again?)

Bubbles and Gleisdreiecks i

José!

I'm currently reading Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer, which the title of today's blog entry is referring to (just in case you don't know why things are happening the way they're happening). I should be far too busy to update the world about my exciting little life, then again I think it's important that I do. I'm convinced that it makes a difference. At least to some poor buggers that call themselves my friends.

Anyways, I've spent 3 and a half weeks in the working world so far. Amazing changes include:
1. friends and family think that my job is my hobby... my mother wants to give me books about pets and animals, even though it's not my birthday any time soon and I never expressed any such wish. Also, my girlfriend calls me to make sure I don't miss the great BBC special on the animal world on telly. What the? (little insider for people who've read what I'm reading)
2. no surfing the net in my spare time anymore... I'm spending enough time in front of a screen as it is while I'm at work (I'm actually using this expression now: "at work..." weird, huh!)
3. days have become so long all of a sudden... true and false at the same time. They are longer because I can read the clock and I know that getting up at 8 is early (for me at least). They are shorter because time goes by really quickly when you've got stuff to do, so all of a sudden it's 6 p.m. and you're on your way home and wondering what the? you were doing all day.
4. Kleinvieh macht auch Mist... working is expensive: coffee, smokes, food, treats, public transport etc. Realisation: I need more money!

Amazing constants:
1. I'm still not a morning person.
2. I still hate having to think about money.
3. I still need to think about money.
4. There's a LOT of people that I'd love to see more regularly.
5. Foot and I are still together and trying to work through our problems.
6. Sunday is Sunday is Sunday.

Amazing changes to come:
1. Baby poop and heart-breaking, eardrum-bursting crying on a regular basis. Mostly at night.
2. More defined and darker circles around my eyes.
3. More people running away from me, especially in the morning.
4. Panic attacks from settling-down-phobia (girlfriend, job, family... the boring existence of a "normal" person is waiting around the corner...) Am I ever going to go back to Melbourne again??? Will I be stuck and not notice forever and ever and ever?

Olé José! What the? You're going to catch a colder. Which I already know.

Jedi&Co

May I introduce you to the Sailor's Union Return Committee: Phonejunkie Nin.A, Horsewhisperer Skully Indelicato, Generalissima Constipatina, Eagle Eye Handsup and the Smiling Famosa Blueshirt. The talented photographer is behind the camera. Unfortunately you cannot see her but maybe you're lucky after all...

It was an adventure BUT like many others this one had a happy end: the Jedi returned and saved the committee from committing too much.


Enough of words, let the pictures speak for themselves:

Where was the Peabutnutter???

You might wonder what the peabutnutter might be but we don't know either because it wasn't there...

This is just to say that, unlike the peabutnutter who wasn't there, we finally made it into the annals of film culture! I don't want to brag or anything but Gleisdreieck, our brilliant little masterpiece of a short film featured on a relatively big festival-screen last week and will do again this week: on the same day as the very long awaited return of the Jedi, Marieke and Buddy (the latter apparently gutless...).

David (he did well in front of the audience!) and my lovely self were at the Shorts at Moonlight film festival (an open-air event that lasts four weeks and takes place in old and partly ruined castles scattered around Frankfurt/Main) to watch our little babyfilm crawl over a big screen for the first time. It was lucky because it happened in front of a very warm and benevolent audience who ooohed and aaaahed and giggled and laughed all the way through the film and most importantly in the right spots!!! To give them even more credit: it wasn't only quite chilly but also drizzling away right from the beginning but the audience was a tough cookie. No-one complained or anything. Amazing!
I must admit that it almost brought tears to my eyes (even though you might think me a big bit sensitive...) to sit among the crowd and watch Gleisdreieck with them. It was like watching it for the very first time again. It made me very proud to have been a part of its making. (The picture might ring a bell with the insiders...)

And since this is the kind of environment for devious displays of ugliness and horror, I will leave you with two self-portraits and a shot of my little nephew in spe and myself to judge for yourself if and how much sanity there still exists in this world of mine...



Is this a sane member of society, or what! She's also going to be triple auntie soon, so watch out for some crazy stuff... right here!

All you need is... three feet dummdadummdadah

Since today's glorious morning I am a three-legged and one-crutch-handed almost-human being again. Yey to all the little fairies and monsters that kept me crutching! Since I'm taking care of myself (because the doctor's practice where I used to go is a twit-house and the surgeon, who fiddled around with foot while I was unconscious, is too hot-shot for me to be a regular patient... so much for public health insurance...) I decided it's time for me to reclaim my naughtiness and take the plunge into tripediality (Latin meaning: two (almost) functioning human feet supported by a crutched foot). I'm experimenting here but as long as foot is not complaining I'll just keep doing it.

I watched the Socceroos play against Brazil yesterday. We cheered and clapped and booed and aaaahed in a beergarden that was predominantly crowded by lethargic and geeky Brazil fans. We did well though, even when the Aussies started losing. Well, our support didn't help much I guess but at least the Brazilians had to put up a good fight before they could walk off the field and wallow in their laborious victory. Go Oz!!!

Afterwards two beautiful ladies and me moved on to some major summer worshipping at the EastBeach (Oststrand), a river beach bar that is enclosed by remnants of the wall on one side and the river Spree on the other. We sat and laughed next to the East Side gallery, which still serves as the city's history-ladden open-air canvas. I'm not an expert but some spots deserve better!

It was eerie to think about the fact that where we were sitting and enjoying each other's company, people used to get shot at because they were sick and tired of paternalism and punishment for each and every non-conform action and opinion...

The inner-city sunset in the sand was gorgeous though and worth the painful experience of watching the fight and defeat against Brazil. Then again, it's not such a shameful failure after all, since it was Brazil and not just SOME team that the Socceroos lost against. The Brazilians definitely didn't deserve the 2nd goal as far as I'm concerned. If Ronaldo&Co hadn't been so damn lucky, the Socceroos would have kicked some butt there.

And now back to the studio...

and so it is...

just like you said it should be,
we both forget the breeze most of the time...

I read you, liebste Marieke! Everytime I hear the song I see Natalie Portman walk down a busy street in slow motion. I didn't like the film too much but she was bloody amazing... anyways, we are passed on to the Indigo Girls:

closer I am to fine...

and now beware of our tophat graduation party!





Geezuz merry'n jouzeff! This bloody picture uploading doesn't bloody work... ( it does now!!!) well, I guess you're just going to have to imagine Erik, Suse and me in black suits with black tophats and bowties sitting next to each other and being awfully excited to be given our official G'bye from a longstanding relationship with our beloved English department.



The party afterwards was very golden and filled with a lot of beer and sausage and flying tophats. There was this crutch-operating tophat-flying person who sat next to the dancefloor and got totally pissed watching her mates dance wildly to the music of the Golden Times, a band made up of our most appreciated non-fellow students...

By the way, i look quite funny when I'm drunk and trying to hail a taxi (sorry, no more evidence here:)... On my way up the stairs I fell up the bloody things three times. Ivo almost fell down the stairs pissing herself laughing at my drunken attempts to crawl upstairs to my bed, which was desperately crying out for me. I got bruised overcoming all the obstacles that kept us apart but eventually I made it. I didn't have time to be grumpy with Ivo when we eventually lay next to each other in bed. I pretty much fell asleep straight away (well, that's at least the official version...)

Righty, and so it is that I'm sitting here and I'm very proud of my very much admired friend of the lovely name Marieke! Baby, you rock! kuss i

Some kind of bird

The Making Of of our little film Gleisdreieck is now officially finished! Yey! We're officially registered with the Cannes Short Film Corner. Another Yey! My sister has officially moved in with me (even though it's only her stuff that's moved in. I haven't seen her here yet. Apparently she rather spends time at her boyfriend's place...) and I've officially got my very own logo now! Yey to Johannes! It's some kind of bird...

Well, foot and me are going alright, meaning we're not going so well as in we're one-footed but we're good anyway... Not that I'm getting used to being a crutcho but you need to do what you need to do, I guess. The countdown has started. only fifteen weeks to go! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHGGGGGGG!!!

skinny legs

As a lot of you guys know I'm NOT a morning person, never have been, never will be. And now I've got an even better excuse to not get up than just being a grumpy bugger: the prospect of hobbling and crutching around, of manoeuvering on one foot in the shower, in the kitchen, in the lounge room... You know what happens when everything happens on only one foot? I was shocked this morning when I had a look at my legs dangling from the bed: one is at least fifty percent bigger than the other!!! I'm a one-sided skinny-legs vs. massive-legs crutch operator! Looks awfully strange.
Well, I still get up in the morning (midday) and do the routine (which takes more than an hour right now). I still shower and make coffee. I even do some work! I sent off an article for a possible book pulication yesterday. Was very proud of myself. Now I've only got two deadlines left until the end of the month. One is the Making Of of our little film, the other urges me to get more transcriptions done! Which reminds me...

Have to run (hahahahahaaaaaah)

hospital report

Back from the nirvana of Spandau. Now I've got my very own hospital story to tell! You might not be able to fathom how important this is BUT after 4 days of two old ladies on either side of my bed (me in the middle of it all) telling me their love, life, family AND hospital histories, having a story of your own is like having attained a membership to a very special club! Better than a TV soap. 24 hour entertainment and all for free! See, one of them was almost deaf, so whenever she got going the other one would not be able to make her opinions and - no doubt - highly significant stories heard and that would upset her a little bit. Little Inga caught in the middle would try to do her best as a talk master or mediator but it always ended (well, it never ended but that's another story...) with the other one exploding her unheard stories into my ears when the deaf lady eventually got distracted.

Anyway, I escaped the never-ending story last Friday and since then I'm experiencing the ups and downs of a life as a physically impaired Berliner. I don't really do much but what I do takes a LLLLLLOOOOOOOOONNNNG time. The simplest things suddenly become missions impossible. but don't worry: I will survive! It's only another 4 and a half months after all... no big deal! (I hope you noticed the underlying sarcasm in this statement... whinge!)

Ok, and now enjoy the photo of sick foot and healthy foot! (Please notice the pattern of my new couch! Nice, ey!). The other one shows me in my new surroundings: my sick corner including a physiotherapeutical device with which I can do physio for beginners without leaving the house!!!

Who wants to be a millionaire?

Moi! Of course, who wouldn't... it's still going to take a while but HEY! I got your attention, didn't I?

This is my last entry as a hospital virgin. There's nothing much to tell but whinge on and on about soon being a crutch operator. Sounds good as a job description, doesn't it?

Anyway, my mobile is allowed to be my guard and contact to the outside world while I'm lying sick in a hospital bed, so if you want to talk to me DO!!! Number: +49 176 20955370.

For Berliners I'll just put up the address as well, since you might happen to be somewhere as remote as Spandau: Havelklinik, Gatower Str. 191 in Spandau, very close to the Havel...

All the best, me luvly ladies and gentlemen! kisskisskiss i

Go figure...

So, I have this perfectly athletic body (minimal degree of exaggeration here) and then this: after only twenty-seven something years it starts disintegrating like Germany’s economy...

Look at my right foot, for example: It’s a handsome, hard-working, talented symbiosis of bone and flesh, an indispensable member of the Inga society – but it seems to be unhappy, or at least parts of it, so that an insubordinate piece of my anklebone (little fucker! I called it Inga society BUT it’s not a bloody democracy! It’s a dictatorship, for heaven’s sake!!!) decided that it wants to go travelling. Maybe become a part of my elbow or hipbone. They might need some help there... What about my foot, though??? Has this little shit piece of anklebone forgotten that it serves a great purpose? The purpose being that without it Inga needs to invest time and energy into letting outsiders teach my bones subordination (how embarrassing!). But the worst is that it keeps me from going around in the world and passing on my skills and wisdom.

I’ve started noticing other insubordinate parts of my body. I’ll need to act quickly and make them learn the hard way, I think. Even if it means that I might have to use some pretty rough measures like whips and chains… Well, if I don’t write soon again this little illegal body part revolution will have succeeded… BUT I’ll come back and get them good! Promise!

Epilogue: I've got a new couch. VERY comfortable, VERY practical (it's one of those bed couches - or couch beds?), and extremely UGLY!!! If I get too comfortable on it I just have to look down and OOOPS! I'll be up on my feet (well, my one foot...) in no time! And if I WANT to get too comfortable then I'll just need to wear shades or something. Hmmmm.

Goode Dag

This language switch has no deeper meaning. I'm not even sure I spelled it correctly... Anyone proficient in Dutch???

Well, that was not the point of today's exercise, which - apropos exercise - will develop into some sort of an unachievable challenge soon because it is official now: me and my right foot are going to hospital beginning of March to have our first and hopefully only operation experience. This is not part of a docu soap but it should be, I think! What is more dramatic than a young woman and her SICK foot (fully sick, mate!) fighting against the odds, overcoming their fears and nightmarish visions of the future... whhoooowhhoooooowhhhooooooooooooohhhhhhh! Soooooo sad, 'n't...

Right... left.... I mean... sick. Well. that's life, hey! Let's be optimistic and welcoming of the hospital days to come, the odour of sickness and death, the heavyset nurses from hell, the boredom, the - whhoooooowhoooooowhhhooooooohhhhhhh - loneliness, the desperation, the PAIN!

Thinking about it - and I've also talked to my foot about it - we might reconsider the making of this gruesome experience... then again, if we don't face it now we might have to go in sometime later and then they might NOT be able to save us from... ourselves and... more PAIN!

Good, I think talking to yous helped. After all those arguments me and foot had in the previous week I'm quite delighted that we're still happy and together.

Life is good after all and love still sucks!

5...4...3...2...1.......WHHOOOOAAAAAAAAA

This is a last-minute film postproduction note... Voice-overs for the New Years party scene are still being recorded and edited and I'm (or I should be) busy with last-minute organising of things like a screen for tomorrow's world premiere. The red carpet is also still missing and someone has to get some booze to get everyone down and dirty!!! The rest is up to the boyz who've been bloody working their arses off the last couple of weeks. I'm impressed! Not only by them but also with this very resourceful little postproduction studio, where 3 guyz would usually ruin everything but they actually live in a really nice, eventful, tidy (!!!) place. Well, the only downside: it's somewhere as remote as the Himalaya if you live south of the city centre. And now that I've had to sell the GigglySistersMobil (meaning the Berlin family car) it's a bummer to get to or back. Okay, so I'm a whinger but I just don't feel at home anywhere but in Xberg. It's mah hood, roight!

And just so you don't miss out on anything important or not sooo important in my life: I've become a celebrity family chef. My sister is finally pregnant and moving in with me in a couple of months (whose idea was that???). Monday and last night I didn't go to bed alone. Last night's adventure is going to evaluate my cooking skills next week. mmmhhh... scotspotting is out and oma's welt sucks coz nuzzing noo in ze zoo...

Apologies but I've only had three hours of sleep last night and I still feel a little drunk even though it's almost dinner time... what should that tell me??? I wonder...

Tubing around

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Meat me in London!

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Uncontrollable! King Kong Club presents... The Uncontrollables

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Mini-Berlinale

A new generation of film makers will be challenging the Berlinale with their own little film premiere. Stars and starlets will fight over who'll be first on the red carpet. It's going to be crazy!!!
So, anyone who's around for February 4th, come to where the flavour is and join us for the film event of the year!
Check out http://www.ahsi-deluxe.de/erik/gleisdreieck.jpg

Right, I returned from a short trip to London a few days ago. It was the most relaxing HOLIDAY I've had in years even though I was with two couples. They behaved themselves though so we had an awesome time! Yey London! Yey funfunfun!

Yey filmfilmfilm! be there or be ... somewhere else

war zone... the dumbest custom of all: fireworks

Posted by Ingale

the night before New Years

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romanticism

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snowy mountains

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not cold... NOT collll.....RRRRRR

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interior shoot (and for all the Germans: this is Detlev Buck's apartment!)

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behind the scenes...

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a scene from the master piece

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Practicing for New Years

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Whooooooohh!

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Mission accomplished

Okay, so I've been meaning to update this cute little website for ages. I haven't gotten around to it so far because:

1. My laptop can unfortunately NOT receive the DSL vibes (yeah! Peace, man!) from my sister's apartment two floors down from mine, so that I have to check my mail and stuff on her laptop because I don't want to carry mine around all the time. My shoulders are tight enough! And now I also have a BAD ankle that's giving me shit, especially when I walk up and down stairs. But watch OUT! The little bugger will have to put up a fight with some angels in white who are going to cut my foot open to call for obedience!!!

2. There are loads of photos on my laptop that I've been meaning to put up to show you all the exciting things, at least little momentary cut-outs, life in practical frozen doses so to say, that have been happening since the last time I wrote.

3. Here I am, obeying a request from overseas (shouldn't you work, honey!!!). What happened, you might wonder... Where are the pictures??? Well, I'm sitting at my sister's desk and the pictures are on mine, of course! I just told you, stupid!

Right. Coming up very soon (yeah right!): adventures from Erik's latest film shoot (this time I was more than just a bare-breasted monster!), Inga's birthday pics, the obligatory X-Mas pics with the family and all. War zone pics from Berlin Kreuzberg on New Years Eve. And all kinds of other stuff.

So, check it out! And be amazed! Whoooooaaaaa!