The haunted crawl

My back is pretty much fucked and so it has become more than clear to me that I need to do something about it... and not only talk about it for ages.

So what do I do? I search for my swim gear which I haven't used for more than a year and a half AND look for someone to kick my butt. Both was successful. I've got my swim suit and goggles AND a swim teacher, the lovely Marieke.

Lesson one: how to do the crawl

Since Marieke-Baby really used to be a swim teacher, I've got the best butt-kicker there is. It was fun but didn't help much because for some reason or other I seem to be afraid of drowning. The crawl is easy enough, I just can't get my head around being relaxed and doing the breathing routine in a relaxed way, and that's kinda supposed to the point! I always end up panicking after a bit and then I choke on the water that I breathe in because I'm panicking...

Analysis: maybe almost having drowned as a three-year old has fucked me up a little after all.

I remember not being afraid at all when I fell into the water... I even remember thinking that I might find my beloved turtle Susi that we had lost during the same summer holidays at the lake. Susi ran away because we left her to herself in our little self-made sand castle and all went into the water, me being supposed to watch her but not wanting to miss out on anything... kids!

mmmmhhhhh... the things you find out sometimes...

The question is: does my beloved turtle Susi still haunt me? Or is it me who can't let go of her? hmmmm, my fear of drowning must have a deeper meaning... Or is it the name Susi that's got me all loopy???



I would if I could... flowers for the dead...